If you are a parent and your faith is important to you, then passing along your faith to your children is one of your highest priorities, perhaps THE highest priority. If that’s the case, then you’re probably familiar with the crazy-high percentage of teens who abandon their faith after high school, some research say more than 90%.
I recently read Brandon O’Brien’s review of the book Sticky Faith by Dr Kara Powell and Dr. Chap Clark. As the subtitle states, the book is about “Everyday ideas to build lasting faith in your kids.” I haven’t read the book yet, but in his review, Brandon writes his own observations as an Intro to World Religions instructor:
The students whose parents prioritized religious services but didn’t practice religion at home were likely to consider themselves “unreligious” today. Students whose parents emphasized both religious services and devotion at home–even if those practices became less important as the kids got older and schedules busier–were more likely to identify as not practicing but hoping to be more devoted in the future. Students seemed very turned off to religion if their parents are defensive or intimidated about their spiritual questions.
Looking at the students who turn away from their parents faith, I see 3 groups:
- Students whose parents prioritized religious services but didn’t live out their faith
- Students whose parents were defensive or intimidated by spiritual questions
- And my own observation, students whose parents were so adamant about following their religious beliefs perfectly that they seemed to never fail or struggle with anything. (Often when these students get out on their own and are ill-equipped to deal with temptation, struggles and failure)
All 3 of these groups of students have one thing in common: parents that lack an authentic faith. Their parents may have acted religious once a week or perhaps even to near perfection in front of their children, but they were not genuine with their kids about what they really believed, what they really thought, or how they really lived.
On the other hand, those students whose parents lived an authentic faith tend to adopt their parents faith, or at least view it positively enough to want to return to it. Personally, I was blessed to have 2 parents who lived their faith, were open to discussing spiritual questions, and did not put on a false front of perfection. And after putting it to the test each in our own ways, I and my two brothers all followed after my parents faith in Christ.
How about you? What was your spiritual upbringing? Can you identify with any of the groups of students above? How did that affect your faith?
Tomorrow, I’m going to follow this post with 5 Keys to Living an Authentic Faith with Your Children
I appreciate this article, Paul – some very great points here. It’s good to learn that authenticity and honestly living with your faith before your kids seems to be the key.
Thanks Carl!
Thank you for the article. We are in our early 50s and have two 3 1/2 yr olds (adopted them when they had just turned one). Sometimes I feel so inadequate as a parent on days when I feel overwhelmed and don’t hide it well in front of our kids. I may talk to God aloud asking for more patience or rebuke Satan fro attacking me or my family. Most times, I just cry. We attend church, are involved in ministry, and pray together at dinner time and bedtime. I feel I should hide my emotional side or repress it more but that’s not what this says. I am far from “perfect”. I want my kids to see God has a plan and a purpose for all of us, including the imperfect. Thanks again. God bless.
Nilsa, thanks for your comments. You are certainly not alone. A lot of parents feel overwhelmed, and a lot of them repress and hide that from their children.
It’s not good to hide our emotions from our kids and try to give the impression that we always have it all together. But it’s also not healthy just to “let it out” and act on our emotions in front of our kids (or anyone else for that matter). Because so many people struggle with feeling overwhelmed on a regular basis, I’d like to write a full blog post to discuss how to deal with that.