Known for his vibrant teaching skills and passion for communicating the Scriptures in a clear and relevant way, Jeff Manion has served as teaching pastor of Ada Bible Church in West Michigan for more than 25 years. His church of 6,000 attendees was named by Outreach magazine as one of America’s largest and fastest growing churches in 2009. Using video venues and two offsite campuses, they strive to create a small church feeling within a large church setting. Invited to the Summit after Bill Hybels heard a taped message he gave on The Land Between, Manion will share biblical insights on how to avoid pitfalls that can easily entrap those who are living in a time of transition.

Notes

• In “the land between” we use the words “for now” like “for now I’m living with my parents.
• You can find the land between on a map… the Sinai Peninsula, the land between Egypt and the Promised Land of Canaan.
• The Jewish people were in the desert.
• How did they eat? God provided manna, which means “what is it?”
• They began to crave other food and began to complain. Numbers 11:4
• You think nothing grows in the desert? It’s fertile ground… for complaints.
• Given the right set of circumstances I would be right there with them (complaining.)
• Moses was not immune to complaining.  Numbers 11:11-14
• “God, if this is how you’re going to treat me, put me to death” -Moses
• This is too heavy.  I can’t carry it anymore. Whose voice do you hear here? The voice of the woman who after years if illness can’t get a good diagnosis. The parent whose kids are rebelling. The pastor whose trying to hold a church together.
• When you throw yourself into spiritual leadership and you will have moments where you come to the end of yourself.
• When I started into ministry I was prepared for days of disappointment, but I wasn’t prepared for years of disappointment. I wasn’t prepared for years of being a disappointment.
• God told Moses to get 70 leaders and God would place the spirit He gave to Moses and put it on them as well so Moses wouldn’t have to bear the burden himself.
• The land between is fertile ground for God’s provision.
• Sometimes God provides a job, and sometimes he provides contentment to do without.  Sometimes he provides the strength to send out one more resume or make 5 more phone calls.
• God loves to provide.
• Another famous melt-down in scripture – Elijah.  He prayed and asked God to die.  He fell asleep & when he woke there was a jar of water and bread baking over coals.
• I love this story because I was expecting a lecture and instead God made him lunch.
• What if God is good?  What if He provides?
• God said, I have heard your wailing and will provide you with meat, and you will eat meat until it comes out of your nostrils and you loath it. LOL! Numbers 11:18-20
• Moses asked how are we going to have food for a month.  God answered “are my arms too short?” Are you questioning my competence or my love for you.
• The land between is also fertile ground for discipline.
• God sent the quail. While they were still eating it, God sent a plague and people died.
• Great dinner-time story for your kids.
• Discipline is inflicting pain for redemptive purposes.
• We are naive to think we are exempt from God’s discipline.
• God is telling us, “I want you to trust me.”
• The Jewish people were an unruly mob of ex-slaves who have been indoctrinated with idolatry for generations. They were not ready for the promised land. God wanted them to learn to trust him in the desert.
• The land between is fertile ground for transformation.
• We say “time heals all wounds” but it doesn’t.  Some people just get more and more bitter over time.
• You don’t have to ask for complaints. Complaints arrive as an uninvited guest.
• Complaint doesn’t like to be evicted.
• You deter complaint’s return by inviting trust to take its place.
• Trust evicts complaint. They are incompatible roommates.

The Tangible Kingdom: Creating Incarnational Community by Hugh Halter and Matt Smay provides a compelling picture of what the Christian church can be in contrast to the typical traditional, attractional church that is failing to engage many people today.

100 years ago Christians and those who are not Christians shared many of the same values.  As a result it was easier to find common ground.   However, “the shift in society’s view of the church has resulted in the marginalization of the church and the secularization of society.”  Many people no longer look to Christianity or the Christian church for spiritual answers.  “The world sees evangelicals… fighting to keep marriage between heterosexual men and women, fighting against gay rights, fighting against Islam, fighting to keep prayer in schools and so on…. People see us struggling hard to keep our way of life.”

While some people may have some positive view of church (perhaps from childhood experiences) and might consider coming to a traditional, attractional church.  Many people have distain for church and will never come to a church seeking God.  Halter and Smay argue that for them evangelism starts with changing assumptions.  The only way to do that is to leave our comfortable Christian bubbles, live and embrace the people around us, and love them as Jesus did.

Favorite Quotes

• If Christianity was only about finding a group of people to live life with, who shared openly their search for God and allowed anyone, regardless of behavior, to seek too, and who collectively lived by faith to make the world a little more like Heaven, would you be interested? (P 10)
• “Doing church differently is like rearranging chairs on the Titanic.” We must realize that slight tweaks, new music, creative lighting, wearing hula shirts, shorts, and flip-flops won’t make doing church any more attractive.  (P 130)
• Church must not be the goal of the gospel anymore…  Church should be what ends up happening as a natural response to people wanting to follow us, be with us, and be like us as we are following the way of Christ. (P 30)
• we specifically ask people not to try to be “evangelistic.” We suggest to them that if people aren’t asking about their lives, then we haven’t postured our faith well enough or long enough.  (P 42)
• To be an advocate means that when people are in need, they know that we’ll be on their team, and that we’ll be there whenever they need us, for just about anything. (P 43)
• The pressure [to meet the needs of consumeristic parishioners] is so strong, [pastors] find themselves frantically trying to update their presentation, increase programs to attract people, or lighten up the message of the gospel. (P 57)
• Helping them make a personal “preference” for Christ and his life will always be more powerful than bashing their values. (P 67)
• What causes exclusive community is fear.  What creates inclusive community is love. (P 71)
• What people want is an entirely new grid that encompasses every aspect of their lives.  Values like meaning, sacrifice, simplicity, risk, adventure, benevolence and justice will sell.  But they have to be modeled, not just talked about. (P 75)
• The convictions we need to rally around should be about life giving, community transformation, holistic personal growth, sacrifice, beauty, blessing and world renewal.  Who wouldn’t want to be a part of a people committed to something that brings personal meaning and makes the world a better place? (P 115)
• “If you want to help people, we have to dive into people, wade into the sea of humanity.” –Patch Adams (P 124)
• Whimsical holiness: Whimsy is the posture we take that allows people to be themselves.  Holiness is that quiet inner posture that shines through and subversively witnesses of an alternative way to live. (P 139)

Personal Thoughts

I was really blow away by The Tangible Kingdom.  As I read it, I kept thinking, “This is what Christianity is supposed look like.”

Somehow we’ve allowed Christianity to be mostly about going to church, when it should be about going out, engaging with the people around us, and becoming their advocates.

Church has become mostly about the pastors and staff feeding members good worship services and other programs, when it should be about celebrating what God is doing and apprenticing people to become missionaries in their own neighborhoods.

Christianity has become more about standing up for our values and protecting ourselves from the world, when it should be about sacrificing and opening ourselves up to the world.

I love the fact that as much as Hugh and Matt advocate churches change to a more missional approach to ministry, they don’t bash attractional churches.  In fact, they specifically say that if you lead or are a part of an attractional church, don’t bail.  Be the change.

That’s what I want to do, but…

I want to be a part of a community where people far from God are able to belong before they believe.  I want to hang out with my neighbors, invite them over for dinner.  I want to be the guy who will do anything for his friends, and proactively, not just when asked.

But to do that means I have to sacrifice my own comfort and convenience, and the truth is that as much as I think I’d like to live a missional lifestyle, over and over again I choose otherwise.  It’s not easy.  I have a job that never ends.  I’m married.  I have 3 kids.  I serve as an elder and small group leader at church.  Plus I’m an introvert, and when I carve out time in my schedule for myself I’d rather spend it reading or interacting with people on Facebook or Twitter.

Certainly it’s easier for some people than others, but ultimately those are just excuses.  I managed to carve out 2 weeks of vacation last month.  I’m spending 2 days at a leadership conference this week.  I found time to write this review, didn’t I?

Can you tell I’m wrestling with this big time?

If you’re a part of a attractional church (traditional or modern) I dare you to read The Tangible Kingdom.  It will rock your world if you’re open to it.  If you’re left the church or sworn off “organized religion” because it bears little resemblance to Jesus or what you think Christianity should be, reading TK may give you hope.

EDIT 8/10/2010: If you have questions about what incarnational community looks like and how to do it, check out this Incarnational Community FAQs page.

Discussion

1. Do you think Christians (and churches) need to change and focus more on going out and engage with people who are not Christians rather than waiting for them to show up at our churches?
2. What do you think about living a missional lifestyle yourself?  One where you sacrifice your comfort, invite people with different values into your life, and accept them without pretense?
3. Where do you struggle most with living a missional lifestyle?

Sorry, no book to give away.  But I hope you’ll join me in discussing the book by posting a comment, and invite others to join the conversation by sharing this post on Twitter and Facebook.

Today we’re reviewing, discussing, and giving away a copy of AND: The Gathered and Scattered Church by Hugh Halter and Matt Smay (affiliate link).  Keep reading to learn how you can win a free copy.

AND: The Gathered and Scattered Church is written by Hugh Halter and Matt Smay who pastor Adullam Church in Denver, CO.  To quote the authors, “The idea of the AND is that every church can find a balance of both scattering people out for mission while maintaining a biblically meaningful reason to gather together.”

The traditional way to do church in the U.S. is centered on a Sunday service that people in the community must come to.  This type of church is often referred to as attractional.  But some people argue that many people have no interest in church at all, a new kind of church is needed to reach these people, one that goes out into the community, serves and builds relationships with people.  This type of church is often referred to as missional.  A big debate has erupted within the church as to which is better.

AND makes the case that “picking one side of the other is not the place to start.”  If a missional organization is successful, a community of faith will naturally want to form around it.  And if a church has no missional component it risks “becoming nothing more than a hospital, social/spiritual club, or teaching center.”  “A key to success in this flow [from engaging culture to community formation] is to avoid letting the two processes become isolated from each other… As our community begins to form, we are also continuing to engage more people.”

Favorite quotes

• The scriptures are clear.  God is the one who builds the church.  In Acts 2, he turned a network of house churches into a mega-church and in Acts 8 he allowed a centralized Hebrew church to be scattered all over the new world. (P 26)
• Church happens when a group of people decide to go on a mission with God together. (P 46)
• How “missional” you are is largely determined by the extent to which your people model the life, activities, and words of Jesus. (P 52)
• The reality is that living this way means you don’t get what your flesh wants.  You don’t get to keep all the money.  You don’t get to do whatever you want with your time.  You have to share your house, your stuff, your money, your kids.  You have to exchange your ambitions for God’s your kingdom for his, and you must be available for God to interrupt your nicely scheduled day with needs that will cause you to pull your hair out. (P 79)
• The great things of God cost us our life. (P 80)
• It’s time that we begin developing qualitative methods for turning consumers into missionaries, fans into followers, adherents into leaders. (P 80)
• Deeper discipleship can’t happen from the pulpit or through church programs.  It seems to happen best when a leader gives someone personal time. (P 86)
• The gravity towards consumerism is simply a symptom of how bored our people are with the basic Christian experience. (P 92)
• The most meaningful experience a person can have in this life is to feel connected with God – to know that God is leading their lives. (P 93)
• The common message of controlling sin, going to church, reading your Bible, journaling, and praying is that it just does not paint a compelling enough picture to keep people engaged spiritually, nor does it actually produce an active spirituality where people see God and grow. (P 93)
• [Jesus] didn’t waste time and emotional energy planning programs or leading strategy efforts to draw people to a consumer-oriented environment.  And he wasn’t too worried about opening the front door or closing the back door of his group of disciples.  Instead, Jesus preferred to allow people to observe him and make that extra effort to figure him out.  He knew that the real seekers would keep pursuing him and wouldn’t be satisfied until they had come to him. (P 105)
• People are not drawn to mission statements anymore.  They are drawn to stories like their own. (P 107)
• In the absence of vision, pettiness prevails.
• The church service is not inherently a problem, but it can lead to the consumer-oriented faith we’ve all come to know and lament.  Weekly services take a lot of time and resources, and they have the potential of lulling people into a spectator religiosity. (P 163)
• If the vision of the church is not scary if it doesn’t require everyone to pitch in, if faith is not needed, then folks will stay home and watch the football game. (P 172)
• If you try to start a church or grow a church you often attract people who just want to do “church things”; but if you start with a mission, God will draw people together and church will happen naturally. (P 174)
• Imagine what would happen if the average pastor/teacher who gives 25-30 hours a week to preparing a sermon actually gave 25-30 hours a week to teaching people how to teach other people the scriptures? (P 184)
• Faith is easy when you don’t need it.  And when you don’t need it, it’s not faith at all! (P 200)

Personal thoughts

The church in America (and all of western civilization) is in crisis right now.  Everyone knows it but few know what to do about it.  Attractional churches like Willow Creek began to emerge 30 years ago because traditional churches failed to change and were becoming irrelevant.  Many pastors and Christian leaders gravitated towards that model because unlike traditional churches it was engaging and relevant to people’s lives.

But in recent years, there’s been a backlash against attractional churches.  Our culture has changed again.  Many people disdain organized religion.  Many people are skeptical of anything that appears over-produced and inauthentic, including church services.  Many people are tired of structure, rules, and authority.  And those are people within the church.

As a result, many Christian leaders repelled by attractional churches have started emergent, organic, house, and missional churches.  In some ways, these movements have been a reaction to the seeker church movement, and so there’s been a lot of criticism and resistance within them towards the icon of the attractional church, the large worship service.

AND is an extremely important book, because it bridges the gap between the attractional and missional models.  It makes a convincing case that churches in general need to be more missional, that missional organizations need large gatherings and structure if they’re going to continue to disciple and send out more missional people, and that it’s both scriptural and logical for churches to embrace both a sending and gathering nature.

AND really resonated with me because I’ve been wrestling with the whole attractional vs missional dilemma.  I’ve been a bit frustrated with some aspects of attractional churches, and I have to admit that the idea of ditching the Sunday service engaging exclusively with an organic/house church has had some appeal.  But I’ve had a hard time finding vibrant, outreaching, house churches, which has made me skeptical that it’s a more viable expression of church.  AND helped me understand my discontent with attractional churches and my disappointment with more missional house churches, and showed me that churches ought to be a combination of the two.

AND is a book I think every pastor, church leader, missionary, and parachurch leader should read

Discussion

1. Do you agree that it’s possible – even necessary – for a church to be both attractional and missional?  If so why?
2. Is your church more attractional or missional in nature?
3. In what if any ways is your church working to become stronger (missional or attractional) in the area where its been historically weaker?

Get a Free Book

If you’d like a free copy of AND, all you have to do is

1. Retweet this post or share it on Facebook, and
2. Post a meaningful comment to this post that contributes to the conversation (include your Facebook or Twitter usename in your comment so I can connect your comment to your share/tweet).

One person will be randomly selected the afternoon of Wednesday 7/14 to receive a free copy.

Of course, you could buy a copy of AND now (affiliate link) and if you’re lucky enough to win, you can give that copy away.

Today we’re reviewing, discussing, and giving away a copy of Exponential: How You and Your Friends Can Start a Missional Church Movement by Dave Ferguson and Jon Ferguson (affiliate link).  Keep reading to learn how you can win a free copy.

In their new book Exponential: How You and Your Friends Can Start a Missional Church Movement, pastors (and brothers) Dave and Jon Ferguson provide insight and practical advice into how to lead a church movement.  Dave and Jon don’t just write theoretically.  They along with a handful of friends started Community Christian Church in Naperville, IL which has gone on to launch 11 other campus and a church planting network.

Exponential is all about reproducing.  It starts from the smallest unit – you, and provides advice on reproducing leaders, reproducing small groups, reproducing churches, and reproducing movements.

Favorite quotes:

• Every movement starts with one person. (P 15)
• You can do it. (P 17)
• You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. –Acts 1:8
• Insisting every small group begin with a leader and an apprentice leader was one of the most important choices we ever made. (P 24)
• Leadership path: individual -> apprentice -> leader -> coach -> director -> campus pastor/church planter -> network leader (P 32)
• The core competency of any movement is apprenticing. (P 44)
• Leadership can only be developed through practice. –Ram Charan
• When you dream big, it changes how you think, how you act, and it can even change those around you. (P 46)
• God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. –Eph 3:20
• Wherever the creative class gravitates, there will be the creating of culture. (P 73)
• Our churches will need to become more comfortable with chaos and failure – if they want to be faithful to God. (P 116)
• Developing coaches (leaders of leaders) may be the single most overlooked yet vital task in spreading a missional movement. (P 118)
• The greatest gift a coach can bring to a leader is to be available when needed. (P 123)
• God’s dream is not for the church to be led by a one-man weekly show but for it to be a team led by great coaches. (P 129)

Personal thoughts

In many ways, Exponential, is the polar opposite of the last book I read and reviewed, Jesus Manifesto.  While Jesus Manifesto calls Christians back to loving Jesus more than anything, criticizes Christian formulas, and warns of allowing causes (even the causes of evangelism and church planting) to become a god, Exponential calls Christians to put reproducing at the forefront of their minds and it’s chock full of formulas like:

• 5 Reproducing Principles We’ve Learned
• 4 relationships every leader needs
• 5 keys to developing a church culture that attracts creatives
• 6 coaching questions
• 3 questions for discovering God things

I think there’s room in Christian conversation for both books.  God created a universe of systems – the solar system, the water cycle, the circulatory system, etc.  Systems are good as long as we don’t allow systems to become gods, and as long as we continue to be motivated by love for God and led by his Spirit.

There are billions of people in this world who are far from God.  There is only so much any one person can do to help people find their way back to God.  That’s why it’s critically important to multiply leaders, multiply teams, multiply churches, and multiply church networks.  Dave and Jon have proven they know how to do this.

No matter what Christian leadership role you find yourself in today, you’ll find insight and practical advice that will help you follow your God-given dream.  In particular, I recommend Exponential to small group coaches/directors, directors of music/arts, senior pastors, and people who find themselves currently on the sidelines with nothing but a dream.

My biggest takeaways from Exponential were.

• If you want your ministry to multiply, you have to start with that as one of the stated goals.
• Apprenticing others is one of the most important factors in multiplying, no matter what level of leadership you’re at.
• Apprenticing requires pouring into a person one-on-one.

Discussion

1. Do you want your ministry to multiply?  If so, is that one of the stated priorities?
2. How important do you think apprenticing is for multiplying ministries?  Do you have an apprentice?  Are you being apprenticed?
3. How important do you think meeting one-on-one is for personal and leadership development?

Get a Free Book

If you’d like a free copy of Exponential, all you have to do is

1. Retweet this post or share it on Facebook, and
2. Post a meaningful comment to this post that contributes to the conversation (include your Facebook or Twitter usename in your comment so I can connect your comment to your share/tweet).

One person will be randomly selected the afternoon of Tuesday 6/8 to receive a free copy.

Of course, you could buy a copy of Exponential now (affiliate link) and if you’re lucky enough to win, you can give that copy away.

That provocative statement is made by Leonard Sweet and Frank Viola in their new book Jesus Manifesto. (Read on to see how you can save 40% or even win a free copy.)

Think about it.

If you’re a Christian, do you want the homeless guy who sleeps in your park to know Jesus, find his purpose, and get off the street because you love him? Or is it because having a homeless person sleeping in your park scares you?

Do you want the murder to find Jesus in prison because you love him?  Or is it because you don’t want another bad dude out on the streets when his sentence is up?

Do you want to reduce poverty because you really love people who are poor?  Or is it because you hate the world economic system that allows for such disparity in wealth?  Or is it because you resent your tax money going to government programs?

We can even look within the church…

For those of us who champion discipleship and spiritual growth, is it because we genuinely love immature believers and want to see Jesus formed in them more completely?  Or is it because we hate the people who just show up on Sunday and never serve, never put more than a couple bucks in the plate, act irresponsibly, smoke, drink, swear, screw around, and really don’t get it like we do?

Upon further reflection, all I can say is…

Ouch!

I’m guilty.

How about you?  When you examine your motives for wanting to change the world, is it because you really love people?  Or is it because you hate the unsafe, unpredictable, unfair world we live in full of unsafe, unpredictable, unfair people?

Jesus Manifesto is available on Amazon for 40% off today. Also find out how you can get a free copy of Jesus Manifesto by @LenSweet @FrankViola

[image by lab2112]

Today we’re reviewing, discussing, and giving away a copy of Jesus Manifesto by Leonard Sweet and Frank Viola.  Keep reading to learn how you can win a free copy.

In Jesus Manifesto, Leonard Sweet and Frank Viola seek to do as the sub-title suggests: restore the supremacy and sovereignty of Jesus Christ.

The premise of the book is that many who call themselves Christians have allowed things of God to become more important that Jesus.  Many people pursue knowledge, accurate theological doctrine, serving, social justice, worship music, leadership, church-building, or morality in the name of Jesus rather than seeking Jesus himself.

Jesus Manifesto seeks to stir Christians to place Jesus front and center in their lives by painting a beautiful, awe-inspiring picture of Him.  If we seek Him and love Him, everything else in life will fall into place.  Not that life will be perfect or comfortable, but when we know Jesus, love Jesus, and focus on Jesus, everything else pales in comparison – success, failure, possessions, pain, even death.  All of those things seem insignificant when our focus is on the infinite awesomeness of Jesus.

Favorite Quotes

• Christianity is not an ideology or a philosophy.  Neither is it a new type of morality, social ethic, or worldview.  Christianity is the “good news” that beauty, truth, and goodness are found in a person. (P xxii)
• God is not so much about fixing things that have gone wrong in our lives as finding us in our brokenness and giving us Christ. (P 2)
• Sadly, many of us today combat problems and erroneous teachings with laws, rules, religious duty – and the mother of all religious tools: guilt. (P 25)
• When things go wrong, it’s not because we don’t understand certain doctrines or fail to follow particular commands.  It’s because we lave lost our “first love”… or never had it in the first place. (P 39)
• There is much more in Christ than we have ever imagined… He will never grow old or stale. (P 40)
• To develop spiritually, then, is to learn My Son. (P 48)
• If you will sink your roots deep in Christ, who is your life, you will not be able to stop the fruit from coming forth. (P 58)
• The commandments are paper handcuffs compared to Jesus’ love strands. (P 65)
• The road to truth is surrounded by a ditch on either side. (P 79)
• “Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair. –G.K. Chesterton
• “The riddles of God are more satisfying than the solutions of man.” –G.K. Chesterton
• The more you know the more you know how little you know. –Clifford Scott (P 88)
• Without the Way, there is no going, without the Truth, there is no knowing, Without the Life, there is no living. –Thomas a Kempis (P 90)
• May we, therefore, stop seeking “things” and instead lay hold of the “real thing” – Jesus. (P 92)
• It’s all too possible to serve the “god” of serving Jesus as opposed to serving Him out of an enraptured heart. (P 94)
• Get a fresh glimpse of your incomparable, Lord, and you will be emboldened to stop spending your life on yourself. (P 102)
• Jesus did not come to make bad people good. He came to make dead people live. (P 105)
• The more you judge, the less you love. (P 112)
• Too many Christians want to change the world not because they love the world but because they hate the world. (P 118)
• The “Christian life” is impossible.  It’s only Him-possible. (P 127)
• Jesus desires friends over servants.  He desires love over servitude. (P 149)

Sorry, I know I over-did the quotes. There is just so much great wisdom in this book, I couldn’t help myself.

Personal Thoughts

As Sweet and Viola write, “The road to truth is surrounded by a ditch on either side.”  It would be hard to argue with the premise of this book – that many of us who call ourselves Christians have gotten caught up in pursuing the things of Christ rather than Christ himself.  We see it everywhere around us.

I see it within myself.

The only criticism I have of Jesus Manifesto, it’s that the authors don’t engage the reader on a personal level.  You really don’t get an idea of who Len and Frank are, how Jesus has revealed himself to them along the journey of their lives, or how their lives have become an incarnation of Jesus.  That may be intentional. In fact, they may be proud of the fact that the book is all about Jesus and not about them at all.  But I like to understand where an author is coming from.  I like to see that an author is not just speaking theoretically but from experience.

Never the less, I whole-heartedly recommend Jesus Manifesto.  What could be more important than a call make the main thing the main thing?  A call to Christians to make Christianity about Christ?  I love the fact that while Sweet and Viola do talk about many of the ditches Christians fall into on either side of the path of truth, the book is not a rant, bashing misguided Christians.  Jesus Manifesto lifts up Jesus in as much beauty and glory as paper and ink can give Him, and asks, “Why would you love anyone or anything more?”

If you call yourself a Christian, this may be the most important book you ever read (other than the Bible.)

Discussion

1. Have you ever found yourself wanting the blessings of God – inner peace, eternal life, a happy family life, or anything else – more than Jesus himself?
2. Have you ever found yourself making something of God – doctrine, social justice, music, serving, or anything else – more important than Jesus himself?
3. Have you ever found yourself trying harder to be like Jesus – a nice person, more moral, a “better Christian” – rather than spending time with Jesus, getting to know him, falling in love with him, and allowing Him to flow through your heart, your attitude, and your actions?

Get a Free Book

If you’d like a free copy of Jesus Manifesto, all you have to do is

1. Retweet this post or share it on Facebook, and
2. Post a meaningful comment to this post that contributes to the conversation (include your Facebook or Twitter usename in your comment so I can connect your comment to your share/tweet).

One person will be randomly selected the afternoon of Wednesday 6/2 to receive a free copy.

Jesus Manifesto will be on special discount from Amazon.com, TODAY June 1st, the date of the release. You can learn more by going to theJesusManifesto.com. Endorsements by Matt Chandler, Ed Young, Jack Hayford, Shane Claiborne, Ed Stetzer, Reggie McNeal, Mark Batterson, Margaret Feinberg, Alan Hirsch, Anne Jackson, Tommy Barnett, and others.

Do you ever feel like you’re not qualified to be a parent?   Do you ever feel judged for the way you parent?

You’re not alone.  Most parents feel inadequate at one time or another.  A lot of it has to do with some completely unrealistic expectations we have for ourselves.

Recently, Jan Cox, the director of student ministries at my church gave an excellent message about parenting.  One part of her message that stuck with me me is what she called “the perfect parent monster.”

To summarize, a lot of us have these unrealistic expectations of what we ought to be able to do as a parents.  When we fall short of those expectations, we get frustrated and upset with ourselves and our kids.  When we get frustrated and upset, we actually become worse parents, which causes even more frustration and continues this downward spiral.

The perfect parent doesn’t exist.  Not even in the Bible.  As Jan pointed out, even Mary and Joseph lost Jesus for 3 days.

As I reflected on the message, I thought about some things we as parents often think we ought to be able to do (control), but when you think about them are really quite unrealistic.

4 Things No Parent Can Do (though we often think we should be able to)

1. Keep our kids complete safe. We can’t protect our kids from everything.  Every child gets hurt.  Sometimes, even when all reasonable precautions are taken children are seriously injured or even die.
2. Make our children obey. All people by their very nature are self-centered, and children are especially so.  Children are by definition immature.  Growing up involves figuring out who they are and what they want.  It requires pushing boundaries.  We can’t control our kids behavior, we can only provide reasonable consequences.
3. Prevent our kids from screwing up their lives. Obviously there are things we can do as parents to increase the chances that our kids will make good choices, but sometimes even great parents have wayward children.  No matter how well we parent, our kids may still get pregnant or get into drugs or drop out of school.
4. Lead our kids to follow our faith. Again, there are things we can do as parents to increase the chances our kids will follow our faith, but we can’t make them believe what we believe.  Even the most devout and loving parents have children who choose a different path.

While we can’t be perfect parents and can’t control those outcomes.  There are some things I think we all can choose to do as parents.  They won’t ensure a perfect outcome, but they can increase the odds.

4 Things Every Parent Can Do

1. Be there. Show your kids they matter by spending time with them.  Don’t let work or other things take priority over them.  If there’s been a divorce, stay involved.  This is a choice every parent can make.
2. Love unconditionally. Your children are going to mess up, disobey, and be disrespectful at times.  It’s not about you.  Seriously. So, don’t take it personally.  Even when you have to discipline your children explain to them that it’s because you love them too much to allow them to grow up thinking it’ll be OK to behave that way.
3. Demonstrate forgiveness. Nobody’s perfect.  One of the keys to good relationships is living with imperfection, which means asking for and offering forgiveness.  When your children misbehave, ask them to apologize and ask the person they’ve wronged (sometimes you) to forgive them.  When you make a mistake, be quick to apologize and ask forgiveness.
4. Tell them you love them. Kids need to hear it.

I think one of the best things we can do as parents is to realize that life is not about perfection but about reconciliation and loving in the midst of imperfection.

What unrealistic expectations have gotten you frustrated as a parent?  How have you dealt with them?

Monday, I posted my review of Pete Wilson’s new book Plan B.  The book addresses the questions…

• What do you do when your dreams are shattered?
• What do you do when your life isn’t turning out the way you thought?

Chances are you’ve had at least one dream shattered.  It happens to all of us.  Have you ever had someone close to you die?  Faced a health crisis?  Been fired from a job?  Found yourself in jail?  Had the marriage you thought would last a life time come to a heart-breaking end?  Then you know what I’m talking about.

Usually, when our dreams have been shattered, we cry out with one big question…

WHY?

That’s because we assume that things in life are supposed to work out.  That’s especially true if you work hard, are nice to people, treat people fairly, and try to follow God.

Unfortunately, in our quest to make sense of our shattered dreams we often deceive ourselves with mythical explanations.  I thought it would be worth looking at 5 misconceptions people often have about shattered dreams.

5 Myths about Shattered Dreams

1) God is mad at me. Sometimes we believe that because we’ve done some things that were wrong in our past that God hates us.  He has shattered our dreams because he is mad at us.  This just is not true.  God loves you.  We’ve all done things that are wrong, and he wants to forgive us.  If Jesus could have mercy on the woman caught in an affair, the thief on the cross, and the very people who crucified him, he is not going to hold a grudge against you.

2) God has abandoned me. When our dream has been shattered it’s very easy to feel like God has abandoned us.  But the bible tells us otherwise.  “I will never  leave you, nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5. “Nothing can separate us from the love of God.“ Romans 8:39  Sometimes this can be difficult to do, but it’s important to choose to believe the truth of the Bible rather than our feelings.

3) I mis-heard God’s leading. Sometimes when we fail at something, we start to second guess whether we should have been pursuing it in the first place. When a new business goes bankrupt we may wonder whether God really was leading us to start it.  When a ministry fizzles out, we may question whether it was really God who led us to start it.  Certainly when our plans blow up there is a place for reflecting on our motivations.  And I think if we’re honest, most of us would admit that some of our dreams have been motivated by self-interest.

However, just because God calls us to do something doesn’t mean it will turn out the way we envisioned it.  And to turn it around, just because something didn’t turn out the way we envisioned it, doesn’t mean God didn’t lead us to that place. God called Moses out of Egypt but he ended up in the desert for decades.  God called Paul to preach the gospel all over the Mediterranean, but he was frequently beaten and thrown out of town.  And in the ultimate example, God called Jesus to return to Jerusalem where he was arrested, beaten, and killed.  They didn’t mis-hear God’s leading.

4) I let God down. Similar to #3, sometimes when an effort appears to fail and a dream dies we blame ourselves for the outcome.  God gave us the dream, so we assume God must have wanted the outcome we envisioned.  And if God was working towards that outcome, it must have been something we did (or didn’t do) that messed things up.

Well, we certainly are good at messing things up, so we shouldn’t completely overlook this possibility.  It is appropriate to look back and see if there was something we should have done differently.  But if you did things with honesty and integrity, worked hard, and make the best decisions you could, then you did all you could.   I think sometimes we assume we have a lot more control than we really do.  If God really wanted the outcome you had in mind, he could have made it happen.  He works around our short-comings and limited perspective all the time.

5) There’s a reason for everything (that we can know). When dreams are shattered the cliché thing to say is, “I believe there’s a reason for everything.”  There’s a lot of truth in that.  God is certainly at work in our shattered dreams.  Romans 8:28 says “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Where I think we sometimes get off track is in trying to figure out God’s reasons for everything that happens.  We certainly should pray and seek to understand what God might be doing, but the truth is we may not be able to see what God was doing for many years.  And with some situations, we just won’t know the reason this side of heaven.  It’s important to accept that we won’t understand everything God is doing and  trust in his character – his love, his kindness, his faithfulness.  When we trust in his character, we choose to believe that God is up to something good even in the midst of our shattered dreams.

Have you ever found yourself believing one of these myths when it really wasn’t true?

Plan B by Pete Wilson addresses the question in its subtitle, “What do you do when God doesn’t show up the way you thought he would?”  Pete Wilson is pastor of Cross Point Church, a large Christian Church in Nashville, TN.  If you’ve ever had a “Plan A” come crashing down – perhaps a loved one died, you dealt with a series illness, your spouse left you, you got fired – perhaps you’ve wondered, “How could God let this happen?”  Pete Wilson addresses this question from a biblical and personal perspective.

To be completely up front with you, I’ve only read 75% of the book at this time.  The publisher’s (Thomas Nelson’s) deal was in exchange for a free copy of the book, a review had to be published today.  Knee surgery and 2 weeks of Percocet and physical therapy have forced me to go to plan b with Plan B.  So, unfortunately, I’m not able to do as thorough a review as I would like.

From what I’ve read of Plan B, I think it’s a great book for several reasons…

1. The question about God most asked by people who are not Christians is “Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? and this book addresses that.
2. The book is not only spiritual but also immensely practical.  Every single one of us has faced disappointment in our lives.  Every one of us has been forced to move to plan b in at least one area of our lives.  This book can help bring insight and perspective to those circumstances.
3. A lot of Christians have the misconception that if they follow Jesus, God will make all their dreams come true.  This simply is not true.  When plans fall apart, this can cause a crisis of faith and a lot of unbiblical explanations from “God must be mad at me” to “God doesn’t exist.”

For those reasons, I not only think Plan B is a good book to read individually, but I think it would make a great small group study.  When I’m done reading it I may even suggest to the senior pastor and programming director at my own church that we do a sermon series based on this book.  The issues addressed are just that important and relevant to people’s lives.

Discussion

When in your own life have you had a “Plan A” come crashing down and been forced to move to “Plan B?”

How did you initially react?  Did you blame God?  Question His existence? Wonder if He had abandoned you?

If some time has passed since then, has your perspective on the crisis changed at all?  If so, how?

Edit 5/3 7:45 AM: Plan B for Nashville

Pete Wilson lives in Nashville. His publisher, Thomas Nelson, is also based in Nashville. Oddly enough, on the day the book is released, many in their hometown have been forced to Plan B due to flooding. Pete’s church, Cross Point, is stepping up to help them.

We all know people who are stuck in the status quo. Even though the world has changed they are nostalgic about the past and continue to think that if they just stick with it they can recreate the glory days.

The newspaper and music industries were stuck in the status quo as the digital revolution changed the world.

Sports teams that win a championship & then hold on to the heroes who won that championship way past their prime, they’re stuck in the status quo too.

One of the most interesting concepts Seth Godin writes about in his latest book Linchpin is being stuck in the “future quo.” He writes:

For many of us, the happiest future is one that’s precisely like the past, except a little better.

Nostalgia for the future is that very same feeling about things that haven’t happened yet.

Nostalgia for the Future

We have this tendency to fantasize about the future. We map out in our minds what position we’ll have at work in 10 years if things go according to plan and we get promoted every 2 years. Shortly after our kids are born, we start imagining them playing baseball or doing ballet, graduating from high school, going to college, getting married, having grand children. In our businesses, churches and non-profits, we put together 5 and 10 year strategic plans, even though we have no idea what the economy or technology will be like in 5 years.

In some ways this is good. If you don’t know where you want to be in your career in 10 years, you probably won’t get there. If you don’t imagine your kids in college, you probably won’t save enough money to get them there. And every organization needs a strategic plan.

Attached to an Outcome

But the problem comes when we go beyond merely planning for the future to longing for a specific future. We become “attached to an outcome, often one we can’t control.”

“You don’t want your head of business development to have serious nostalgia for a particular future. If she does, she’ll hold on to the deals and structures that make that future appear, and undervalue alternatives.”

You don’t want your kids to have a serious nostalgia for the future or they will be crushed when their boyfriend breaks up with them, they don’t make the team, or they don’t become an astronaut.

From the Christian perspective, when we’re stuck in the future quo, we are unwilling to follow God when his plans for us deviate from the future we’ve imagined for ourselves.

If we have nostalgia for a future that includes a new car, we resist God’s leading to give to someone in need. When we have nostalgia for corner office, we resist God’s leading to work less serve others. When we have nostalgia for a church that will forever sing the songs we like, teach on the scripture we like, and include people who look like us, we resist God leading our church to change. When we have nostalgia for a future where everyone we knows lives into their 90s, we despair when people have accidents or get sick.

How tight is your grip?

How nostalgic are you for the future? Are you locked into the future quo? Do you find yourself anxious or even fearful about losing something you don’t even have yet?

Or are you adaptable? Do you hold on loosely to your dreams?

Godin writes, “The linchpin is able to invent a future, fall in love with it, live in it – and then abandon it on a moment’s notice.” Agree? Disagree?

[image by wildtexas]